Los Angeles Rams to Rebrand as Los Angeles Rabbits Upon Move to Conejo Valley

Breaking News: After several months of speculation, the Los Angeles Rams and California Lutheran University announced yesterday that the team will be establishing training operations at the Thousand Oaks campus for a period of at least two, and as many as five, years.

Founded as the Cleveland Rams in 1936, the team became the Los Angeles Rams in 1946, then the St. Louis Rams in 1995 and of course back home as the Los Angeles Rams in 2016.

After 80 years, the Rams have one of the oldest team names in the National Football League. Out of 32 teams only six - the Cardinals, Packers, Bears, Giants, Eagles and Lions - have been around longer. 

With the move to Thousand Oaks, management decided to reassess the name of the team.

Thousand Oaks is situated in the beautiful Conejo Valley. The Conejo Valley was originally named in reference to los conejos (rabbits) by Spaniards who journeyed up the coast in the late 1700s. 

Rabbits are known for their speed, agility and strong awareness of their surroundings. Rabbits' hind legs are strong and they have the ability to adapt to a variety of environments. Rams, on the other hand, are basically male sheep.

In fact, what better name can there be for this team other than the Los Angeles Rabbits!? Ravens? Redskins? Raiders? Nah, already taken. 

Los Angeles Rabbits, welcome to the Conejo Valley!

Branding Expert Bunny Hopalot indicates this to be a natural fit. "Rabbits have a natural ability to multiply quickly," she said, "which is so critical in those 3rd down and long situations where the offense can feel burrowed in the proverbial 'rabbit hole.'"

Not everyone agrees with the decision, however.

Local resident L. Merjay Phud said "I weally, weally don't like the pwospect of the Los Angeles Wabbits inhabiting Thousand Oaks. With all this commotion it will not be vewy, vewy peaceful and quiet any more."

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Breaking News: Gigantic Tarantula Seen Yesterday on Tarantula Hill in Thousand Oaks

Gigantic tarantula on Tarantula Hill (Photo Credit: Ivana Getoudaheer)

Yesterday, several readers reported sighting of an approximately 100 foot tall tarantula on Dawn's Peak (more popularly referred to as Tarantula Hill) off of West Gainsborough Road in Thousand Oaks, between Grand Oak Lane and Camino Manzanas. Standing at 1,057 feet at its peak, Tarantula Hill is perhaps the most well known mountain in the Conejo Valley.

Conejo Valley spider expert Arik Nafobia indicated that typically, tarantulas have leg spans of 3 to 12 inches. "I'm not sure what caused this tarantula to grow so large, but don't worry, there are no recorded instances of tarantulas preying on humans."

"It could be a coincidence," added Thousand Oaks Police spokesman Hugh Jarthrowpod, "but the entire beef supply of Bandits Grill was stolen on Monday night."

The massive tarantula was last seen attempting to navigate Highway 101 west of the 23, where traffic slowed to a crawl; which seemed fine to him (or her).

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Walmart to Showcase New Upscale Retail Concept "The Walmart at Thousand Oaks"

Since the first Walmart store opened in July 1962, Walmart has grown to over 11,000 stores in 27 countries, employing 2.2 million worldwide. Tomorrow, Walmart will open for the first time in the Conejo Valley, with a Walmart Neighborhood Market on Ventu Park Road in Newbury Park. Unlike a Walmart Supercenter, which averages 182,000 sq ft, a Walmart Neighborhood Market runs about 38,000 sq ft and with a primary focus on groceries.

Later this year, Walmart will continue its local growth by transforming The Lakes at Thousand Oaks into a brand new Walmart Upscale retail concept. The Walmart at Thousand Oaks will take the existing design of The Lakes and create an experience that will bring something for everyone!

The Walmart at Thousand Oaks will showcase a new level of sophistication.

This first Walmart Upscale pilot will capitalize on the aesthetics of The Lakes while sharing all the conveniences a Walmart Supercenter has to offer.

P.F. Chang’s, conveniently located at E. Thousand Oaks Blvd and N. Conejo School Road, will be become P.F. Goodrich, offering tires, brakes and oil changes at discount prices. California Pizza Kitchen will be renovated into California Pizza Hut, a slightly upscale version of Pizza Hut. 

On the west side of The Walmart at Thousand Oaks, in the former home of Claim Jumper (and more recently slated to be a Lassen's Health Foods), Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza patrons will be treated to a world-class McDonald's, where the iconic golden arches will lead to Thousand Oaks City Hall. Big Mac fans will sit in comfort at The McDonald's at The Walmart at Thousand Oaks, where each seat cushion will contain a coin-operated thermostat.

Other stores will be converted into a gigantic, multi-level Walmart Supercenter, with ample use of windows and skylights for natural lighting. Driving home on the 101, you may even see your spouse shopping at The Walmart at Thousand Oaks.  The current Brighton store, however, will be retained "as is" but will be renamed Jewelry and Accessories at The Walmart at Thousand Oaks.

City planners Hugh Gotta, Bea Kiddenme and Howie Aeur believe that, while this new "upscale" project may be a bit of a surprise to some, it is certain to bring joy to local residents and visitors alike. "Additionally," indicates Kiddenme, "we believe this project is timely from drought perspective as the lakes will be drained, and replaced with pavement and the new Garden Center at The Walmart at Thousand Oaks."

In the second phase of enhancements, a pedestrian access tunnel will be constructed to enable Mastro's Steakhouse customers easy access to The Walmart at Thousand Oaks.

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Exclusive Breaking News in the Conejo Valley Effective This April 2013

We are excited to announce a partnership with the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza.  In exchange for placement of the iconic Conejo Valley Guide bunny on the south side of the Plaza, Conejo Valley Guide will provide free carrot cake to all Civic Plaza attendees at shows during the month of March 2014.

Mock-up of iconic Conejo Valley Guide bunny as it will be seen from 101 Freeway

Jacque Rabitt of the City's Cultural Affairs department stated "We are thrilled that Conejo Valley Guide has offered us an image that brightens up the building" while Conejo Joe of CVG indicated "We are proud to be offering carrot cake at the plaza to those who believe that carrot cake is actually good for them!"

The Conejo Valley Guide bunny image will cover virtually the entire wall of the Plaza that will be in full view of both directions of Highway 101. Additionally, the bunny will be lighted with solar LED lights between the hours of 8 pm and midnight each night.

In other news, the National Park Service announced its first sponsorship agreement in the Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area with the renaming of Boney Peak as Milk Boney Peak. Similar to branding of NCAA Bowl Games, the Milk Bone logo will be prominently displayed on the shield face of the mountain directly below the peak, as shown below.

Mock up of Milk Bone Dog Treat logo displayed on face of peak looking towards Newbury Park.

NPS official Louda Barker notes that "while dogs are currently not allowed in the Boney Mountain Wilderness, hikers tend to be dog lovers, dog lovers love giving out dog treats and, well, we've been looking to monetize these mountains for awhile, no bones about it."

And finally, a Hidden Valley resident has successfully petitioned the City of Thousand Oaks Planning Commission to change zoning of a horse property to a retail clothing store. A mockup of the new Trashy Lingerie store is shown below, reflecting an earnest effort to blend the store into the surroundings.

The Hidden Valley location will be Trashy Lingerie's second retail store; the other one is located on La Cienega Boulevard in Los Angeles. City spokeswoman I. C. Undrewair notes that this could be a tremendous draw for city tax revenues, particularly with Britney Spears living in the nearby Sherwood Country Club.

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Effective Today, Conejo Valley Has Been Renamed Squirrel Valley!

Herbie the Squirrel smiling for the camera in Thousand Oaks.

It started with a little squirrel named Herbie. Herbie was known to munch on seeds and plants outside the National Park Service Visitor Center in Thousand Oaks. Herbie is pictured to the right. Cute little guy, isn't he.

Conejo Valley resident Rocky N. Bulwinckel took notice 2 years ago. Rocky, third cousin once removed of Carolyn Lawrence, the voice of Sandy Cheeks, well known squirrel character on SpongeBob SquarePants, was impressed at Herbie the Squirrel's amicable behavior and ability to interact with humans.

Bulwinckel and his neighbors, the Rowe-Dent family of Thousand Oaks, also noticed the proliferation of friendly squirrels throughout the Conejo Valley. In fact, the squirrel population seems to have overtaken the rabbit population, namesake of the Conejo (Spanish for rabbit) Valley! Bulwinckel and the Rowe-Dents decided to pursue a change in light of this squirrely situation.

Local squirrel in celebration mode. Name unknown. We call him Bubba.

So, after two years petitioning local residents and numerous presentations to the city councils of the Conejo Valley communities of Thousand Oaks, Westlake Village, Agoura Hills,

Oak Park and Calabasas, it was proclaimed that, effective today, the Conejo Valley is officially renamed the Squirrel Valley!

Here at Conejo Valley Guide we enjoy and cherish bunnies. However, we have already made preparations for the transition to Squirrel Valley Guide.

Please join us by reviewing our new website at www.SquirrelValleyGuide.com!

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City of Thousand Oaks Approves 35 Foot Tall Chuck E. Cheese Sign Along 101 Freeway

This morning, in an emergency session, the Thousand Oaks City Council approved immediate construction of a new Chuck E. Cheese sign along the 101 Freeway to replace the aging Auto Mall sign.

Mock up of 35 foot tall Chuck E. Cheese sign to be erected in place of Thousand Oaks Auto Mall sign.

"Thousand Oaks is a family-friendly city," indicated Mayor Andy Fox "and we want everyone who drives through the 101 artery to be made well aware of that through the magic of Chuck E. Cheese."

Though the sign is considered large by local standards at 35 feet high by nearly 37 feet wide, and will flash bright neon lights from dusk until dawn, the sign is not expected to distract drivers. However, on weekdays between 5 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. a drive-up ticket redemption stand will be operated under the sign to enable parents and children to redeem their Chuck E. Cheese tickets for prizes.

Chuck E. Cheese representative Ivgota Hedache remarked "We are excited to literally become part of the landscape of this beautiful city."

In other news, the Conejo Recreation and Park District has plans to construct a 197 foot long Slip n' Slide at Conejo Creek Park. Check back soon for details.

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